Feeling Sick and Not Trying to Feel Sick About It
by Emma Leibowitz, Doula at Empowering Emma
As a Jewish woman, I know there are a lot of superstitions connected to pregnancy and birth. It took me until the middle of my first trimester to even share the news with my friends and family. Most people in the Jewish faith do not share any news until the baby is born. There is no baby shower until the baby is born, and any baby items are kept at someone else's home until the baby is home or until the mom is at the hospital. There is nothing in the Torah that speaks specifically about why or how this superstition came about. This was just the mindset that I was raised on along with my other Jewish friends.
I was worried to put my name on the story below because of these superstitions. After speaking with a board member, Cynthya, I was assured that many first-time parents go through the same first-trimester struggles. She told me that it is important to share my story with my name to connect with other first-time, (or second, third, fourth time) moms and build a sense of a community around such a special moment in one's life. In that vein, I share my pregnancy story with you all here and if you’d like to comment about your own, connect with us on social - I am the social media officer for TBBN and would love to hear more from you.
Once my husband and I decided to start trying for a baby it felt more like a chore than the sex we normally have had in our relationship. I wasnʼt looking forward to the nights when we would try but it didnʼt take too long. It took only about 3-4 weeks before I had a positive test. My OB called me a “fertile Myrtle.”
Initially, I was ecstatic! This was IT. We are finally starting a family I couldnʼt believe it was so easy! My mom’s pregnancies were easy so mine should be too, right? The first couple of weeks went fine. My boobs were hurting me and I was starving ALL the time. I was craving carbs and cheese which, to be honest, is normal for non-pregnant me.
At about the 6 week mark I was hit with a pretty big reality check. I could barely get out of bed. I would wake up starving and dehydrated. There were days I had to call out of work because I had zero energy for anyone else. Once the holidays hit so did my hormones. I was throwing up almost every day. I couldnʼt enjoy family time together. I was miserable! To be completely honest, I still feel miserable. My husband and I havenʼt slept in the same bed basically since we found out the news. Mostly so I can have uninterrupted sleep without him coming in late or snoring at night. Forget about any sort of intimacy - that went out the window once we got a positive test.
I used to have energy for so many weekend outings with my husband and our dog. Now I can walk around for maybe two hours before I need a nap. My apartment is currently a disaster zone because I have no energy or motivation to clean it. All I do recently is take a nap around 2pm and then stay in bed until I go to sleep at 9 or 10pm.
This is not to say that I am not extremely happy and understand that I am lucky to be pregnant. I have had a few close friends who have experienced miscarriages early on in their pregnancies so I’m not taking anything for granted.
My husband was adopted at birth and I canʼt wait to give him a biological family member. This is such a special and incredible time for all of us! I just needed a moment to be open and real with how Iʼm feeling. Iʼm hoping at my 12-week mark I will start to feel like a normal person again. I don’t want to feel this way for six more months but if I do, I’ll manage as I have been so far. I will do research and find sources to help me through this period. I will try to be more open to my family and friends who do nothing but support me. Womenʼs bodies are truly amazing and I feel lucky to be carrying our next generation.
Emma Leibowitz is a doula at Empowering Emma. For her whole life, she has gravitated toward helping people. By becoming a doula, she believes it is the highest form of truly helping birthing people and their partners. In addition to her extensive birth doula training, Emma acquired her bachelor’s degree in both Sociology and Social Work. “As someone who has worked in these three fields, I understand the importance of practicing empathy daily.”